A Worried Mother Facing The Fear of The Unknown : My 17 Year Old Taught Me Humility

My family’s sport was tennis and all our children played tennis from their childhood and throughout their elementary, high, and university school years. Foresight was that child who was so selfish on the tennis court and whenever he missed a point, he would cry even though he was winning the entire match. Other parents always complained about my son because they saw his crying as a strategy to destabilize his opponents. Unfortunately, my “crying baby Foresight” couldn’t stop crying irrespective of what dad and I tried.

Foresight is the one child that kept me on my knees fasting and praying at intervals because I felt that he was not strong-willed in dealing with his peers. Nevertheless, he was so occupied with playing tennis, seminary in church, and schoolwork. In addition, I didn’t see any traits of smoking, drinking alcohol, or using illicit drugs. Despite these obvious qualities in my son, I was afraid of the unknown and wanted a perfect son that is not malleable by peer pressure.

Foresight was very smart in his academics, and he was all “A’s” student. However, each time he made a transition from one educational level to another during his elementary to high school and to the university, I was very worried. My biggest concern was that my son will be overly dominated by other students, and they may influence his decisions even though my children were all raised to stand up for their Christian values. However, as a worried mother, I was not growing up with my children. I focused my attention on the news in the world; the unfortunate mistakes made by other children that lead to their detriment. I was going through emotional turbulence of the “fear of the Unknown” because I wanted to raise my children to be disciplined, patriotic citizens, and channel of blessing to society. These fears and lack of faith in my parenting styles became magnified as Foresight was getting ready to leave home and reside in the university environment. However, my oldest son had been living on the university campus for two years and making independent/good decisions and excellent grades without any complaint from his institution of learning. Above all, he had a full tennis scholarship, playing college tennis and his coach attested to his disciplined/leadership role in heading their college tennis team. Yet, I was not convinced that I was a good mother who had instilled all the necessary values in my children and that they were all well equipped to stand against all forms of worldly storms that perverse their generation. Unfortunately, I was striving for “perfection” in fear of the unknown.

So, in fear, I started shopping for colleges with small classroom sizes that will pay attention to my college child Foresight. My family ended up with a private institution that offered Foresight 50% tennis scholarship compared to public institutions with larger classroom sizes that offered him 100% tennis scholarship. As a fearful, but protective mother, I wanted the so called “Best” school environment for Foresight so that he does not fall a victim of bad peer pressure; but all at the expense of incurring debts over $50,000.00 in school loans.

My family dropped off Foresight in school and leaving him behind was so depressing for me because of unrealistic fears. My Atenas were up in high frequencies listening to receiving the bad news, bad reports, bad grades from his professors. Fortunately, Foresight disappointed me, my unbelief and lack of trust in his independent decision-making.

The most life-changing lesson that Foresight taught his mother Mabel is HUMILITY. During his college days, Foresight would go to parties with his college friends, and they attempted to convince him to drink alcohol with them, but each time he refused the offer. Subsequently, when the party was over, my Yours Truly Foresight ALWAYS became their DESIGNATED DRIVER who drove everyone home safely. When this secret was told to my family, I wept bitterly for not believing and trusting my teenage children.

MEET FORESIGHT

The BEST THING about being a mother is that no self-help books can prepare us on how to take care of our unique children because each child is so unique. The general guide in these books is not as helpful as when you focus on knowing each child in your family.

I am humbled to proclaim my blessing that I am a mother of four beautiful children of three boys and one girl who are now young adults …. Did I just call them ADULTS? Oh mine! It was quite a journey to getting them into adulthood like most mothers.

My four children were born and raised in the church environment. Therefore, they were exposed to the teachings of my Savior Jesus Christ, and they strived so hard to uphold their gospel standards. Through it all, they were good and responsible children growing up under mom and dad.

However, there is ALWAYS a JUDAS amongst the twelve and that Judas was my second son Foresight. As a baby, when I dropped off Foresight at the babysitter, he consistently suppressed crying out aloud, but lots of tears rolled down his cheeks……his passivity and obedience as a child got me worried as a mother.

Apparently, my presence was not needed to police Foresight to make the right decision. It is so humbling that my son is the real source of my sense of humility. His good choices during his most vulnerable time protected him against bad peer pressure and bad peer influence.

In addition to teaching me Humility, Foresight gave me a GIFT OF PEACE. After surviving through my worrying season during his campus life, I became confident to let go and trusted our last two children going off to college without the usual emotional roller coaster. The voice of my only daughter continues to re-echo in my brain as she frequently reassured me during my search for the right college environment for Foresight: “Mom, you have raised us well and Foresight will be fine. We do know who we are.” Truthfully, Precious was right all along. Unfortunately, “I am your mother and you are the child” mentality deafened my ears during that vulnerable season of my children’s college life.

I am eternally grateful for my blessings and the countless lessons that my children taught me.